Ain't Mental Illness Fun?

So, I'm sure I've mentioned before, once or twice, that I'm nuts. Bipolar II to be precise, along with Borderline Personality Disorder and just for the heck of it, a little PTSD, ADHD and anxiety disorder.

So, yeah, I've talked about my mental illnesses before. So why am I mentioning them again? Well, they are a big part of me and who I am. I'm not defined by my M.I., but it is part of who I am. I spend each day fighting it to a standstill. We have come to a compromise, my M.I. and I. Mostly I can keep it under control, with paying attention and good drugs.

But, sometimes I'm not the one who wins. Sometimes my crazy beats me. The past couple of weeks have been like that. Too much stress, not enough sleep, not enough time to myself, too much caffeine and not eating right all conspired against me. Now, I have no one but myself to blame. I know better.

When that starts to happen I start getting really anxious. I can't breathe anxious, I feel like I have no skin anxious.

That's what it's been like for the past couple of weeks for me. And then I get a little manic.

DH has told me he likes me a little manic, which makes me feel guilty for trying to remain stable. I need to feel stable. I don't like how I feel when I am manic, even a little bit, because I feel out of control and I hate that. But he likes it when I am. Very frustrating.

I need to figure out what to do.