You'll notice that the title of the blog has changed. We've changed from "From My Brain" to "Out of My Mind". The URL will be the same, but I like this title better. It's exactly the kind of wordplay that I like, and it amuses me greatly. The thoughts come out of my mind, but I am, on occasion, out of my mind.
Sorry I haven't updated in a while. On top of being a little out of my mind (see told you I liked it), I've got chronic pain issues. I have degenerative disc disease. I've got a full blown herniated disc at L5/S1 (lumbar vertebra 5 and sacral vertebra 1 for those who aren't familiar with spinal anatomy). It hurts most of the time, and it hurts a lot sometimes. My coccyx is also deviated back by quite a bit due to breaking it twice, plus I have arthritis in my back, as well as muscle/nerve involvement. I have arthritis in both my knees, in the right one worse than the left. I can't straighten my right knee out all the way. Plus I have fibromyalgia. Yeah, I am in general, falling apart. My old orthopedic surgeon used to tell me I was too young to be this damaged. Yeah, well obviously I'm not because here I am.
My knees have bothered me for about 25 years. For those of you playing along, yes, I'm 38. Since I was a teenager they have never not bothered me. Plus I have a lot of trauma to my knees thanks to my brother and father, and trying to learn how to ice skate. I made it through half of one class, fell and tore my anterior cruciate ligament in my right knee.
Anyway, there is all this back story to explain that I have been dealing with a lot of pain recently as well as some nasty headaches. Chronic pain is exhausting and it leaves me not really willing or wanting to do much. I also get grumpy and short-tempered. The fact that there is so much more going on with DH and The Boy, whose school problems are a post for another day, and I'm screaming from stress and anxiety and pain. Sunday I ended staying in my room for about 8 hours and didn't talk to anyone or do anything. Very refreshing.
Just to warn you, you should prepare yourself for more snow pictures. April 1 we are going to get hit with a winter storm, 6-12 inches in my area. The calendar may say spring, but I live in the Great White North. I actually saw snow the first May that I live here. And I think there has been at least one severe storm in April every winter but one. One year in March we had storms every Wednesday.
On the moving to Wordpress thing, I'm not too sure that it's going to happen soon. I have the account, but I'm feeling very frustrated with it, so I haven't spent the time that I should to figure it out. On the other hand, I have just opened a Tumblr account.... I'm quite the social media maven.
As always, prayers and thoughts go out to all the people in Japan. I hope that my reader(s) are safe and warm and with everything they need. I'm now going to add in the people of Libya.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Is it really spring?
Well sort of. It's the way spring is in Maine. My favorite weather man likes to say that March is still a winter month in Maine. Thursday and Friday the weather was great. Warm and sunny. High 50s. Yesterday and today, still sunny, but only 30s and 40s. Tomorrow? Snow and wintery mix. Yeah. Great. Spring Equinox is today.
Of course we always get a couple of storms in March and April. I think they are worse than the ones in January. There is more moisture in the air, and the snow is very heavy. 12 inches of very heavy snow is not fun to deal with.
Tomorrow our storm is only supposed to give my area a couple of inches of snow. I'll still get up to see if school is canceled. I doubt it will be, but sometimes they surprise me.
I hope everyone got a chance to see the supermoon last night. It was beautiful. The closest perigee moon since 1993. This is what it looked like in Maine last night. This isn't my video, it's from the local NBC station. Blah. I can't get the video to link. Check it out here. Super full moon
To my Japanese reader(s). Japan still rests in my thoughts and prayers. People across the world pray and hope for your country. I hope that you are somewhere safe and warm and that you have everything you need.
On the moving front. Wordpress frustrates me. I am still trying to figure it out. I'm trying to find a way to import everything directly from here to there.
Of course we always get a couple of storms in March and April. I think they are worse than the ones in January. There is more moisture in the air, and the snow is very heavy. 12 inches of very heavy snow is not fun to deal with.
Tomorrow our storm is only supposed to give my area a couple of inches of snow. I'll still get up to see if school is canceled. I doubt it will be, but sometimes they surprise me.
I hope everyone got a chance to see the supermoon last night. It was beautiful. The closest perigee moon since 1993. This is what it looked like in Maine last night. This isn't my video, it's from the local NBC station. Blah. I can't get the video to link. Check it out here. Super full moon
To my Japanese reader(s). Japan still rests in my thoughts and prayers. People across the world pray and hope for your country. I hope that you are somewhere safe and warm and that you have everything you need.
On the moving front. Wordpress frustrates me. I am still trying to figure it out. I'm trying to find a way to import everything directly from here to there.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Spring
Spring is springing in my little part of the Great White North. Birds are singing, the sun is shining longer, the sugar maple sap is running and there are ice breakers on the rivers. Yup, you heard me, ice breakers on the rivers. We get cold. Cold enough that our rivers freeze. Not just a little skin of ice. Huge chunks of ice that can run 2 feet thick. This time of year when it gets nice, it's currently 50F here at 6 pm, the rivers start melting. Huge chunks of ice break off and float downriver. That isn't the problem. If the ice pieces flow all nice down the river there is no problem. But, how often do things go perfectly like that?
No, things usually don't go right. The chunks float down and pile up. They catch on each other, they catch on the bridges, they catch on the islands. Then we have ice jams. Ice jams are bad. Ice jams cause floods. All the water builds up behind them and when they let go all hell breaks loose. Last year there was an ice jam that lasted several weeks. It would move downriver some, and then get stuck again. That is a really long time for any ice jam to last. Usually they only last a matter of hours to maybe a couple of days. At least that's what the ones here do.
So every year the Coast Guard sends ice breakers up the rivers. If they start breaking up the ice before it starts flowing towards the sea, then hopefully the jams won't happen. They send 3 up my local river. One of the big ones, and then 2 smaller ones once that big one can't go any further. Every year I mean to go down to the river when the breakers are there and take The Boy to see them. We know when they are coming, it's on the news so that the ice fishing shacks get cleared off. So far, in 8 winters we haven't made it. But, that's a sure sign of spring in the Great White North.
Please keep praying for those in Japan. The news we are hearing 1/2 way around the world is terrifying. I can't even think of how scary it is for the Japanese. To my Japanese reader(s), please stay safe.
On a side note. I have started a new blog on WordPress. I am going to be migrating this one there soon, at least as soon as I can figure it out. Look for the notice in the next week or two.
In the meantime, enjoy spring.
No, things usually don't go right. The chunks float down and pile up. They catch on each other, they catch on the bridges, they catch on the islands. Then we have ice jams. Ice jams are bad. Ice jams cause floods. All the water builds up behind them and when they let go all hell breaks loose. Last year there was an ice jam that lasted several weeks. It would move downriver some, and then get stuck again. That is a really long time for any ice jam to last. Usually they only last a matter of hours to maybe a couple of days. At least that's what the ones here do.
So every year the Coast Guard sends ice breakers up the rivers. If they start breaking up the ice before it starts flowing towards the sea, then hopefully the jams won't happen. They send 3 up my local river. One of the big ones, and then 2 smaller ones once that big one can't go any further. Every year I mean to go down to the river when the breakers are there and take The Boy to see them. We know when they are coming, it's on the news so that the ice fishing shacks get cleared off. So far, in 8 winters we haven't made it. But, that's a sure sign of spring in the Great White North.
Please keep praying for those in Japan. The news we are hearing 1/2 way around the world is terrifying. I can't even think of how scary it is for the Japanese. To my Japanese reader(s), please stay safe.
On a side note. I have started a new blog on WordPress. I am going to be migrating this one there soon, at least as soon as I can figure it out. Look for the notice in the next week or two.
In the meantime, enjoy spring.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Switching
I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be switching from this blog at Blogger over to Wordpress. After looking, I think I like it better. I'll probably self-host. So we may have some bumps in the road while I get switched around. Just hang in there with me and we will get through it all. Any suggestions are gladly welcomed.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Japan
Because I relentlessly stalk my stats I know that I have hits from Japan. To the people in Japan, you are in my thoughts and prayers. To my reader(s) from Japan, I hope that you are somewhere safe and that you, your friends and family came through in safety.
For all the rest of us who want to know what we can do to help here is a list of several places we can donate.
As I find more places to donate or give aid through I will post them.
For all the rest of us who want to know what we can do to help here is a list of several places we can donate.
- Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Humanitarian Services Yes, this is my church, so I'm putting it there first. But it's a good link because we already have resources in the area and can quickly mobilize to help. We don't just help Mormons, we help all people around the world.
- International Red Cross This site is to donate to all their services in general. This is the American Red Cross donation site.
- Text for help. If you use any of the cell carriers you can text REDCROSS to 9099 for a $10 donation.
- This article has several sites to visit to help.
As I find more places to donate or give aid through I will post them.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Charlie Sheen
That poor man. His life is crashing in around him. It was funny, for a while. Now it's sad and tragic, and for a part of the population a very scary warning. Now, no one in his camp has outright said anything so we will never know for sure, but if the man isn't bipolar, I'll eat a tiger's blood drenched hat. As we are now stipulating, at least those of us here are, that he is bipolar, I will make a further case that he is in a massive manic or even psychotic episode.
I heard Dr. Drew Pinksy, celebrity addictions doctor, describe Sheen's state as "hypomania". Now, hypo means below, so hypomania means below mania, or a slight manic state. Frankly, Dr. Drew can kiss my lily white derriere. He's wrong. If that is hypomania I would truly hate to see a full blown manic state. Bipolar mania can become psychotic, and from his latest webcasts he sure looks well on his way.
It doesn't appear that anyone around him is trying to get him help. And hey, mania can be fun. You turn into the life of the party, you're sex, drugs and rock and roll all rolled up into one, you spend cash and make friends. You're also self-destructive, delusional and paranoid. The people on his webcasts are playing along with him, which can hurt him more. Drugs aren't helping him. Bipolar and addictions are hugely comorbid, more, I think, than any other mental illness, but don't quote me on it.
The reason that this is a scary warning for a segment of the population is because we are bipolar. We know that what is happening to Charlie could happen to one of us just as easily. When we are stable we know that we need the meds, but then we start feeling good and think we don't need it today, and then tomorrow,and so on and so forth. When we hit a manic state we feel goooooooood. Who needs those pesky meds? Then we crash. Luckily, knock on wood, I've never had a severe manic episodes. I've only ever dealt with hypomanic states. But those were bad enough to scare me. I take my meds every night, even if I don't want to. My DH reminds me to if he sees that I am moving towards that hypomanic state. Charlie's state prompted a conversation between DH and I. If I end up a major manic episode he is to immediately 5150, or involuntarily commit, me. I told him that if he didn't I would never forgive him for not helping me when I was in that state. I told him to ignore whatever I would say, but get me the help I need. I hope there is someone in Charlie Sheen's life who can and will do that for him. Whatever the reason is, he needs help.
If you think that you have, or someone you know and loves has bipolar disorder get help. It will never hurt to see a psychiatrist and find out that your worries are wrong. Better living through chemistry is not a joke, it helps.
I heard Dr. Drew Pinksy, celebrity addictions doctor, describe Sheen's state as "hypomania". Now, hypo means below, so hypomania means below mania, or a slight manic state. Frankly, Dr. Drew can kiss my lily white derriere. He's wrong. If that is hypomania I would truly hate to see a full blown manic state. Bipolar mania can become psychotic, and from his latest webcasts he sure looks well on his way.
It doesn't appear that anyone around him is trying to get him help. And hey, mania can be fun. You turn into the life of the party, you're sex, drugs and rock and roll all rolled up into one, you spend cash and make friends. You're also self-destructive, delusional and paranoid. The people on his webcasts are playing along with him, which can hurt him more. Drugs aren't helping him. Bipolar and addictions are hugely comorbid, more, I think, than any other mental illness, but don't quote me on it.
The reason that this is a scary warning for a segment of the population is because we are bipolar. We know that what is happening to Charlie could happen to one of us just as easily. When we are stable we know that we need the meds, but then we start feeling good and think we don't need it today, and then tomorrow,and so on and so forth. When we hit a manic state we feel goooooooood. Who needs those pesky meds? Then we crash. Luckily, knock on wood, I've never had a severe manic episodes. I've only ever dealt with hypomanic states. But those were bad enough to scare me. I take my meds every night, even if I don't want to. My DH reminds me to if he sees that I am moving towards that hypomanic state. Charlie's state prompted a conversation between DH and I. If I end up a major manic episode he is to immediately 5150, or involuntarily commit, me. I told him that if he didn't I would never forgive him for not helping me when I was in that state. I told him to ignore whatever I would say, but get me the help I need. I hope there is someone in Charlie Sheen's life who can and will do that for him. Whatever the reason is, he needs help.
If you think that you have, or someone you know and loves has bipolar disorder get help. It will never hurt to see a psychiatrist and find out that your worries are wrong. Better living through chemistry is not a joke, it helps.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Writer's Block? Or Maybe Not
I love the written word. I read like it's going out of style. I have 3 bookshelves which are all double stacked with books and have more stacked on top, and even at that all my books don't fit. There are still stacks on the floor. I need at least 3 more, but I don't know where I would put them. I even like reading stuff that I've written.
I've fallen in love with writing. I've wanted to do it for years, and now I do. I even get paid for some of my writing, which is pretty cool. I even have started describing myself as a part-time free lance writer. Am I ever going to completely support myself and my family by writing? No, because of my mental illness. I do the amount I can do, and sometimes that's a push. But, I can supplement our income and actually have the money to get some extras. I'll take that.
Sometimes I have a hard time writing. I look at the article that I'm writing and can't figure out how the hell I'm going to make it work, but eventually it works. Last night though, I had a panic attack looking at the clean white page on my screen. I had to shut down all my writing stuff or risk screaming into the very cold night. So, I did. But, it put me behind schedule wise and earning goal wise. So today I have to push hard.
Was it writer's block? Who knows. It could just have been that I have been under so much stress lately that I had to just stop somewhere. Either way, it's better today and I'm writing again.
I've fallen in love with writing. I've wanted to do it for years, and now I do. I even get paid for some of my writing, which is pretty cool. I even have started describing myself as a part-time free lance writer. Am I ever going to completely support myself and my family by writing? No, because of my mental illness. I do the amount I can do, and sometimes that's a push. But, I can supplement our income and actually have the money to get some extras. I'll take that.
Sometimes I have a hard time writing. I look at the article that I'm writing and can't figure out how the hell I'm going to make it work, but eventually it works. Last night though, I had a panic attack looking at the clean white page on my screen. I had to shut down all my writing stuff or risk screaming into the very cold night. So, I did. But, it put me behind schedule wise and earning goal wise. So today I have to push hard.
Was it writer's block? Who knows. It could just have been that I have been under so much stress lately that I had to just stop somewhere. Either way, it's better today and I'm writing again.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
The week in review 2/28-3/5
It has been a long week. The kids were supposed to go back to school on Monday. They didn't.
This is why.
It snowed. I don't don't how much snow we got, but I don't think it was as much as they said. But we did get some ice on top of it. The snow pile on the right? That's from all the snow we've gotten. My landlord has shoved most of it into the backyard, but there is that pile. We got more snow during the week, and it is currently 2x that size in width and about half again as tall.
Tuesday came and went, and the boy didn't go to school. Joy. Now, he ended up home 11 days in a row. That's a long time. It's not that I don't love having my son home, because I really do. But, the past 2 months have been long, long, long. I just haven't gotten a break. I was looking forward to Josh going back to school so I could have a break for just a little while, just to breathe.
I freelance write. The website that I use primarily hadn't had a lot of work, but there is a regular customer who comes in. He came in Wednesday. I was going to sit down and spend as many hours writing for him as I could. Except, first thing in the morning we got a phone call. I'm not a great house cleaner. On any given day there is stuff on the floor, my house is cluttered and my dishes probably need washed. Early Wednesday morning, I say early meaning about 8, I had just gotten the boy off to school, the call comes in,a place to evaluate DH for physical therapy is coming in 45-60 minutes. WTF? Seriously? Now DH had made an appointment the day before for them to come, but he later called and canceled it.
So, he tells me they are going to be here, then just turns on the TV and gets comfy in bed. I went ballistic. Telling me someone is going to be here in less than an hour when the house is a mess? There isn't anything that could have made me madder at that point. Luckily he realized that and came out to help me.
Thursday and Friday were their own fun days. The boy was supposed to serve a detention on Thursday, he didn't, so he got suspended. Right now he's getting suspended at least once a week because of that. It's so not a good thing. But, since I didn't know, because I usually get a warning, I sent him to school Friday. He got to school, they turned around and sent him home. The VP sent me a letter telling me she tried to call us and tell us he was suspended, but we were home. I never got a phone call let alone a message. She left it on the very rarely turned on cell phone. This isn't working, so we have a meeting coming up with the school at the end of the month.
Friday I also had to take one of our cats to the vet. He had to get shots, and in 2 weeks he's going to get the unkindest cut of all.
Our cats don't leave the house. they are strictly indoor cats. I had to buy a new cat carrier to take kitteh to the vet. To get them to like it, I got some catnip spray and sprayed the crate all over, and a towel that I stuck in the carrier. Too bad I didn't get pix or movies of the cats when they were being goofy, but they stopped as soon as I pulled out the camera. Only 2 of the felines we are owned by indulged. Our middle kitteh stayed aloof. It was funny to see our big cat in the crate.
He's a full grown Maine Coon Cat. He's big. But, he really wanted that towel. REALLY wanted it. He actually pulled it out of the crate at one point, with the little kitteh on it.
It's a long recap, but I haven't written enough lately.
This is why.
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| Snow is a 4 letter word. |
Tuesday came and went, and the boy didn't go to school. Joy. Now, he ended up home 11 days in a row. That's a long time. It's not that I don't love having my son home, because I really do. But, the past 2 months have been long, long, long. I just haven't gotten a break. I was looking forward to Josh going back to school so I could have a break for just a little while, just to breathe.
I freelance write. The website that I use primarily hadn't had a lot of work, but there is a regular customer who comes in. He came in Wednesday. I was going to sit down and spend as many hours writing for him as I could. Except, first thing in the morning we got a phone call. I'm not a great house cleaner. On any given day there is stuff on the floor, my house is cluttered and my dishes probably need washed. Early Wednesday morning, I say early meaning about 8, I had just gotten the boy off to school, the call comes in,a place to evaluate DH for physical therapy is coming in 45-60 minutes. WTF? Seriously? Now DH had made an appointment the day before for them to come, but he later called and canceled it.
So, he tells me they are going to be here, then just turns on the TV and gets comfy in bed. I went ballistic. Telling me someone is going to be here in less than an hour when the house is a mess? There isn't anything that could have made me madder at that point. Luckily he realized that and came out to help me.
Thursday and Friday were their own fun days. The boy was supposed to serve a detention on Thursday, he didn't, so he got suspended. Right now he's getting suspended at least once a week because of that. It's so not a good thing. But, since I didn't know, because I usually get a warning, I sent him to school Friday. He got to school, they turned around and sent him home. The VP sent me a letter telling me she tried to call us and tell us he was suspended, but we were home. I never got a phone call let alone a message. She left it on the very rarely turned on cell phone. This isn't working, so we have a meeting coming up with the school at the end of the month.
Friday I also had to take one of our cats to the vet. He had to get shots, and in 2 weeks he's going to get the unkindest cut of all.
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| When you give a cat some catnip. |
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| I have my towel, do you have yours? |
It's a long recap, but I haven't written enough lately.
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