Boy, there is a lot of updating to do.

Oh, I haven't written in so very, very long. Mostly because I haven't been in the mood, or I've been exhausted. I've spent the past several weeks just so mind-numbingly exhausted it's all I can do to get through the things that I have to do. 

Life has been hectic. DH has decided to forgo further ECT treatments. They were working, but he took a few months off for a surgery. Now that he's fully healed from that he's decided that going back for the treatments is just "too much work", even though I'm the one who manages all the logistics. Whatever. It kind of irks me because of all the work that we put into getting him these treatments and the fact that we are back to meds that don't work. It's going to cause problems in the future, but I don't know how yet, and I don't know what's going to happen when it does.

That brings us to The Boy. He's going to be 16 this month. I'm not ready to have a 16 year old child. If he ever gets a girlfriend he's now old enough to date. The last month of school is always a problem. It's been a big one this year. He's really not wanted to go to school at all. At this point he's going to fail about 1/2 of his classes. I don't know if he will have enough credits to become a sophomore at the end of the week. This is finals week. He blew 2 off yesterday. It was a nightmare morning trying to get him to school. Instead of going to school he spent 2 hours just wandering around. He didn't go to school. The bitch of it is that he might be fail one of the classes he was passing because he blew off the final yesterday.

It's very frustrating. His anger is nasty. We are kind of looking into maybe putting him into a residential treatment center. We looked at boot camp kind of things, but they don't accept kids with major mental illnesses. The Boy has Bipolar. Major mental illness. it's not a choice I want to make. DH is kind of ineffective, so it's up to me and I am kind of sick of being the adult in the matter.

We are minus one cat. Our big guy died a few weeks back. He had a seizure and died. It was quick and he wasn't in pain. It was under 5 minutes from the time he seized to the time he died. That's the way I want to go. Once second I'm here, the next I'm gone.

That's my life. That's the way it's been lately. I spend more of my time exhausted. Trying to take care of everyone is exhausting. DH is going on a 2 week vacation at the end of the summer. I won't be, but only worrying about The Boy will make my life that much easier.

I have to get back to my real life for a while. I need to help The Boy finish some homework from this school year. It needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon, so we have to hurry and finish it.

Charlie Sheen

That poor man. His life is crashing in around him. It was funny, for a while. Now it's sad and tragic, and for a part of the population a very scary warning. Now, no one in his camp has outright said anything so we will never know for sure, but if the man isn't bipolar, I'll eat a tiger's blood drenched hat. As we are now stipulating, at least those of us here are, that he is bipolar, I will make a further case that he is in a massive manic or even psychotic episode.

I heard Dr. Drew Pinksy, celebrity addictions doctor, describe Sheen's state as "hypomania". Now, hypo means below, so hypomania means below mania, or a slight manic state. Frankly, Dr. Drew can kiss my lily white derriere. He's wrong. If that is hypomania I would truly hate to see a full blown manic state.  Bipolar mania can become psychotic, and from his latest webcasts he sure looks well on his way.

It doesn't appear that anyone around him is trying to get him help. And hey, mania can be fun. You turn into the life of the party, you're sex, drugs and rock and roll all rolled up into one, you spend cash and make friends. You're also self-destructive, delusional and paranoid. The people on his webcasts are playing along with him, which can hurt him more. Drugs aren't helping him. Bipolar and addictions are hugely comorbid, more, I think, than any other mental illness, but don't quote me on it.

The reason that this is a scary warning for a segment of the population is because we are bipolar. We know that what is happening to Charlie could happen to one of us just as easily. When we are stable we know that we need the meds, but then we start feeling good and think we don't need it today, and then tomorrow,and so on and so forth. When we hit a manic state we feel goooooooood. Who needs those pesky meds? Then we crash. Luckily, knock on wood, I've never had a severe manic episodes. I've only ever dealt with hypomanic states. But those were bad enough to scare me. I take my meds every night, even if I don't want to. My DH reminds me to if he sees that I am moving towards that hypomanic state. Charlie's state prompted a conversation between DH and I. If I end up a major manic episode he is to immediately 5150, or involuntarily commit, me. I told him that if he didn't I would never forgive him for not helping me when I was in that state. I told him to ignore whatever I would say, but get me the help I need. I hope there is someone in Charlie Sheen's life who can and will do that for him. Whatever the reason is, he needs help.

If you think that you have, or someone you know and loves has bipolar disorder get help. It will never hurt to see a psychiatrist and find out that your worries are wrong. Better living through chemistry is not a joke, it helps.