Boy, there is a lot of updating to do.

Oh, I haven't written in so very, very long. Mostly because I haven't been in the mood, or I've been exhausted. I've spent the past several weeks just so mind-numbingly exhausted it's all I can do to get through the things that I have to do. 

Life has been hectic. DH has decided to forgo further ECT treatments. They were working, but he took a few months off for a surgery. Now that he's fully healed from that he's decided that going back for the treatments is just "too much work", even though I'm the one who manages all the logistics. Whatever. It kind of irks me because of all the work that we put into getting him these treatments and the fact that we are back to meds that don't work. It's going to cause problems in the future, but I don't know how yet, and I don't know what's going to happen when it does.

That brings us to The Boy. He's going to be 16 this month. I'm not ready to have a 16 year old child. If he ever gets a girlfriend he's now old enough to date. The last month of school is always a problem. It's been a big one this year. He's really not wanted to go to school at all. At this point he's going to fail about 1/2 of his classes. I don't know if he will have enough credits to become a sophomore at the end of the week. This is finals week. He blew 2 off yesterday. It was a nightmare morning trying to get him to school. Instead of going to school he spent 2 hours just wandering around. He didn't go to school. The bitch of it is that he might be fail one of the classes he was passing because he blew off the final yesterday.

It's very frustrating. His anger is nasty. We are kind of looking into maybe putting him into a residential treatment center. We looked at boot camp kind of things, but they don't accept kids with major mental illnesses. The Boy has Bipolar. Major mental illness. it's not a choice I want to make. DH is kind of ineffective, so it's up to me and I am kind of sick of being the adult in the matter.

We are minus one cat. Our big guy died a few weeks back. He had a seizure and died. It was quick and he wasn't in pain. It was under 5 minutes from the time he seized to the time he died. That's the way I want to go. Once second I'm here, the next I'm gone.

That's my life. That's the way it's been lately. I spend more of my time exhausted. Trying to take care of everyone is exhausting. DH is going on a 2 week vacation at the end of the summer. I won't be, but only worrying about The Boy will make my life that much easier.

I have to get back to my real life for a while. I need to help The Boy finish some homework from this school year. It needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon, so we have to hurry and finish it.

Procrastination

I am the queen of procrastination. The absolute queen. In fact, I've been procrastinating about writing this post all day, and I started it while I was procrastinating about doing work this morning. It's been over an hour from typing that sentence to this. See what I mean about procrastination?

Part of it is I'm just not focused. I have ADHD. Not as bad as my son, but enough. Today is one of the days that I am really unfocused, which is really bad when I have to work on a deadline. And I do. Sometimes I find it amazing how fast I can type 350 words. Right now my record for a 350 word project stands at 11 minutes including proofreading and plagiarism check. Of course I can't do that for all my projects, but ones that have subjects that I have written about a zillion times, not a problem.

But the past couple of days it's really started to be a problem. I know why it is. I'm tired. I'm more than tired. I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from start to finish from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed.

Not only am I physically tired, I'm emotionally tired. I'm tired of being the one who has to do everything all the time every day. I spend hours writing, and let me tell you it's not easy. Then I get asked can I walk to the library, when am I going to walk to the laundry mat and do laundry, when am I going to get groceries, what's for dinner, and oh, by the way honey can you get me this $75 dollar thing that I want? And then, there are other things that just don't happen because it's just one more job, and when I am exhausted down to the bone and I can't even work up the interest to be interested. And frankly, guilt trips don't help the matter.

So all this is goes towards explaining why I'm the queen of procrastination. That procrastination is part of why I haven't blogged in a while.

Now I'm going to finish my oatmeal and fruit and go to bed. I'm actually going to sleep in tomorrow to. Instead of waking up at 5:30 I'm going to get up at 6:30. I'm so excited about that.