I pretty much live on the Internet. I cruise it, I work on it, I play it. I often joke with DH that if we lived in a cyberpunk world I would be a serious net junkie. I would just be jacked in all the time. I do actually get away now and again. I read books. I play video games. The Boy complains now and again about how much time I spend on the net. I think mostly because if I'm on the net he can't ask to use my computer.
I love the Internet is basically what I'm saying. I'm also a huge geek. I love Firefly, scifi, the Muppets, Star Wars (Han shot first!) and all the classic geek kind of things. There are a lot of blogs that I follow, something like 50 or so. Maybe more. I've never counted them.
Today, instead of being a negative Nellie, like I often am, I decided that I would share some of my favorite things.
I had never read Game of Thrones, although DH had, before the show came out. We watched the entire season, and I love it. Which is why I love this! Muppets Game of Thrones.
This is one of my favorite blogs ever. Well it's actually two blogs written by the same people. Jen and her husband originally started with Cake Wrecks, and then she decided to share her inner geekgirl with Epbot. If you love Steampunk and Disney and other fun geek stuff, this is the place to go.
I love the scifi convention world, even if I haven't been to a con in a while. But, you always see female warriors, or warrior wannabes, in chain mail bikinis. Yeah, that's how they are often pictured in comic books and illustrations and such. So I loved this a lot.
I think that's enough for today.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
WTG New York!
New York is the latest state to allow gay marriage. 6 down, 44 to go, including my state of Maine, where it was legal for one brief shining moment, until the peoples' veto changed that. But it will be again.
Anyway, Mazel Tov!
Anyway, Mazel Tov!
Everything old is new again
Or: Didn't we just do this?
This is the first full week of summer break. I hate summer break. I am a strong proponent for year round school. The first couple of weeks are always tough as we try to find a routine to fall into. Meanwhile I am really happy I don't have to wake up at 6 anymore. Yay! Not a morning person, not at all. But that's not really the this we are doing again.
So Monday DH tells me that he is having an anxious day. OK, it happens. He can't settle into a book or TV. Still, whatever, it happens. Then he decided to call the crisis line at 8:45 pm. They tell him they will have someone out to evaluate him but not until 11 pm. OK. So that time comes and goes. He calls them back, oh wait they won't have anyone until 1 am at the earliest. He told them he would call back in the morning.
Tuesday morning he calls back because he isn't feeling any better. So they come and evaluate him. First they tell him that they have a bed in a crisis house about 25 miles away. That means a nice break for me. But wait! They have one here in town. That means he keeps pressuring me to visit him. I don't want to. I hate hospital visits and things like that. They only way I can manage the hospital is that they have WiFi and I have a laptop. He can watch TV and we really don't have to talk. It's all good. But at the crisis house we sit in a room where anyone can walk in and out and if other people have visitors they are there too. He sits and stares at me, which can I just say for the record how much I hate that? I have to talk to him and entertain him, or he just sits there and stares at me. I don't think I emphasized before exactly how much I hate that. So, I keep having excuses why I can't go visit him a mile away. Because I think if I tell him I just really don't want to that it will hurt him. OK, he gets a break, so I get a break.
On the plus side this little break convinced him that ECT is good and he's going to go back to taking it in August. Good.
Meanwhile he hasn't gotten a go home date from the crisis house. They are a short term facility. No more than 7 days, and 3-5 is their usual. His time will be up Tuesday. If they don't think he should go home then we are looking at another hospital stay. Then we really will be back where we were.
Fun times. Fun. Times.
Monday I am going to go see what is wrong with my left shoulder. That ought to be interesting
This is the first full week of summer break. I hate summer break. I am a strong proponent for year round school. The first couple of weeks are always tough as we try to find a routine to fall into. Meanwhile I am really happy I don't have to wake up at 6 anymore. Yay! Not a morning person, not at all. But that's not really the this we are doing again.
So Monday DH tells me that he is having an anxious day. OK, it happens. He can't settle into a book or TV. Still, whatever, it happens. Then he decided to call the crisis line at 8:45 pm. They tell him they will have someone out to evaluate him but not until 11 pm. OK. So that time comes and goes. He calls them back, oh wait they won't have anyone until 1 am at the earliest. He told them he would call back in the morning.
Tuesday morning he calls back because he isn't feeling any better. So they come and evaluate him. First they tell him that they have a bed in a crisis house about 25 miles away. That means a nice break for me. But wait! They have one here in town. That means he keeps pressuring me to visit him. I don't want to. I hate hospital visits and things like that. They only way I can manage the hospital is that they have WiFi and I have a laptop. He can watch TV and we really don't have to talk. It's all good. But at the crisis house we sit in a room where anyone can walk in and out and if other people have visitors they are there too. He sits and stares at me, which can I just say for the record how much I hate that? I have to talk to him and entertain him, or he just sits there and stares at me. I don't think I emphasized before exactly how much I hate that. So, I keep having excuses why I can't go visit him a mile away. Because I think if I tell him I just really don't want to that it will hurt him. OK, he gets a break, so I get a break.
On the plus side this little break convinced him that ECT is good and he's going to go back to taking it in August. Good.
Meanwhile he hasn't gotten a go home date from the crisis house. They are a short term facility. No more than 7 days, and 3-5 is their usual. His time will be up Tuesday. If they don't think he should go home then we are looking at another hospital stay. Then we really will be back where we were.
Fun times. Fun. Times.
Monday I am going to go see what is wrong with my left shoulder. That ought to be interesting
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I hate Father's Day.
And here's why.
For many years I was single mom. So Father's Day was always traumatic for The Boy, because there were always father/son happenings. This was even harder for The Boy because his birthday is always right around Father's Day. So of course he missed those. And as a side note, there are father/son, father/daughter and mother/daughter occasions, why are there never any mother/son things? So Father's Day was a bitch for that.
Second, I really pretty much hate my dad. OK, hate may be a strong word for it, but I am estranged from him, and I like it that way. But, I hate trying to deal with Father's Day. I acknowledge Father's Day, his birthday and Christmas for him. And really that's not even for me. If I could I would completely ignore him. I do it for The Boy. My dad is very manipulative and if I didn't acknowledge his things then he wouldn't send me cards for whatever. Now, I'm fine with that, but when he started doing it to my kid I get pissed, because he did it when The Boy was old enough to remember it.
The year The Boy turned one he was really sick on Father's Day. It was the day after his birthday, poor kid, and we spent the day at the doctor's office trying to get him taken care of. He had double ear infections and tonsilitis, was puking and running a high fever. Yeah, I was a little too busy to call dad and wish him a happy Father's Day. I barely remembered to do it with my husband. I went down to visit my mom for a week right after that and dad came down to see me and The Boy and he gave me shit for it. Yeah, that's the type of jerk my dad is.
Anyway, I hated trying to send him a card because most of the Father's Day cards are all "You're the best dad in the world" type of stuff. You really can't find cards that say "You're an abusive son of a bitch and I want to make sure you don't hurt my kid so have a freaking Father's Day card". Much harder to find a card like that. Hmmm, maybe I should start a card company for people with toxic family members.
So cards were out of the picture. Then how about calling him. I do my best to try not to call him, I would call at times I knew he wouldn't be home because I didn't want to talk to him. But lately I have found the perfect way to talk to him. I text him. But I don't want to give him our cell phone number so I do it through SMS messages on Yahoo. That way I can sign out of chat when I don't want to talk to him. He can only chat with me when I am on chat. Perfect.
Now there is one reason that I kind of like Father's day, other than my husband who I mostly like most of the time. My step-father. He married my mom several years ago. When he married her he told me I was his daughter, even though I was a full grown adult at the time. He has always treated me like I was his daughter. He has done more than my bio-dad ever did. I can't wish him a specific Happy Father's Day on FB because it will hurt my bro and sis if they find out, and they will take it badly and they will tell dad. Which shouldn't bother me, but he's likely to mke it harder for mom and me to talk to my brothers. It's stupid and I hate it. But there it is.
So, that's the reason I hate Father's Day. There are great dads out there. But there are a lot of really crappy ones too. Mothers too. I have issues with Mother's Day, but those will have to wait until next Mother's Day.
For many years I was single mom. So Father's Day was always traumatic for The Boy, because there were always father/son happenings. This was even harder for The Boy because his birthday is always right around Father's Day. So of course he missed those. And as a side note, there are father/son, father/daughter and mother/daughter occasions, why are there never any mother/son things? So Father's Day was a bitch for that.
Second, I really pretty much hate my dad. OK, hate may be a strong word for it, but I am estranged from him, and I like it that way. But, I hate trying to deal with Father's Day. I acknowledge Father's Day, his birthday and Christmas for him. And really that's not even for me. If I could I would completely ignore him. I do it for The Boy. My dad is very manipulative and if I didn't acknowledge his things then he wouldn't send me cards for whatever. Now, I'm fine with that, but when he started doing it to my kid I get pissed, because he did it when The Boy was old enough to remember it.
The year The Boy turned one he was really sick on Father's Day. It was the day after his birthday, poor kid, and we spent the day at the doctor's office trying to get him taken care of. He had double ear infections and tonsilitis, was puking and running a high fever. Yeah, I was a little too busy to call dad and wish him a happy Father's Day. I barely remembered to do it with my husband. I went down to visit my mom for a week right after that and dad came down to see me and The Boy and he gave me shit for it. Yeah, that's the type of jerk my dad is.
Anyway, I hated trying to send him a card because most of the Father's Day cards are all "You're the best dad in the world" type of stuff. You really can't find cards that say "You're an abusive son of a bitch and I want to make sure you don't hurt my kid so have a freaking Father's Day card". Much harder to find a card like that. Hmmm, maybe I should start a card company for people with toxic family members.
So cards were out of the picture. Then how about calling him. I do my best to try not to call him, I would call at times I knew he wouldn't be home because I didn't want to talk to him. But lately I have found the perfect way to talk to him. I text him. But I don't want to give him our cell phone number so I do it through SMS messages on Yahoo. That way I can sign out of chat when I don't want to talk to him. He can only chat with me when I am on chat. Perfect.
Now there is one reason that I kind of like Father's day, other than my husband who I mostly like most of the time. My step-father. He married my mom several years ago. When he married her he told me I was his daughter, even though I was a full grown adult at the time. He has always treated me like I was his daughter. He has done more than my bio-dad ever did. I can't wish him a specific Happy Father's Day on FB because it will hurt my bro and sis if they find out, and they will take it badly and they will tell dad. Which shouldn't bother me, but he's likely to mke it harder for mom and me to talk to my brothers. It's stupid and I hate it. But there it is.
So, that's the reason I hate Father's Day. There are great dads out there. But there are a lot of really crappy ones too. Mothers too. I have issues with Mother's Day, but those will have to wait until next Mother's Day.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Boy, there is a lot of updating to do.
Oh, I haven't written in so very, very long. Mostly because I haven't been in the mood, or I've been exhausted. I've spent the past several weeks just so mind-numbingly exhausted it's all I can do to get through the things that I have to do.
Life has been hectic. DH has decided to forgo further ECT treatments. They were working, but he took a few months off for a surgery. Now that he's fully healed from that he's decided that going back for the treatments is just "too much work", even though I'm the one who manages all the logistics. Whatever. It kind of irks me because of all the work that we put into getting him these treatments and the fact that we are back to meds that don't work. It's going to cause problems in the future, but I don't know how yet, and I don't know what's going to happen when it does.
That brings us to The Boy. He's going to be 16 this month. I'm not ready to have a 16 year old child. If he ever gets a girlfriend he's now old enough to date. The last month of school is always a problem. It's been a big one this year. He's really not wanted to go to school at all. At this point he's going to fail about 1/2 of his classes. I don't know if he will have enough credits to become a sophomore at the end of the week. This is finals week. He blew 2 off yesterday. It was a nightmare morning trying to get him to school. Instead of going to school he spent 2 hours just wandering around. He didn't go to school. The bitch of it is that he might be fail one of the classes he was passing because he blew off the final yesterday.
It's very frustrating. His anger is nasty. We are kind of looking into maybe putting him into a residential treatment center. We looked at boot camp kind of things, but they don't accept kids with major mental illnesses. The Boy has Bipolar. Major mental illness. it's not a choice I want to make. DH is kind of ineffective, so it's up to me and I am kind of sick of being the adult in the matter.
We are minus one cat. Our big guy died a few weeks back. He had a seizure and died. It was quick and he wasn't in pain. It was under 5 minutes from the time he seized to the time he died. That's the way I want to go. Once second I'm here, the next I'm gone.
That's my life. That's the way it's been lately. I spend more of my time exhausted. Trying to take care of everyone is exhausting. DH is going on a 2 week vacation at the end of the summer. I won't be, but only worrying about The Boy will make my life that much easier.
I have to get back to my real life for a while. I need to help The Boy finish some homework from this school year. It needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon, so we have to hurry and finish it.
Life has been hectic. DH has decided to forgo further ECT treatments. They were working, but he took a few months off for a surgery. Now that he's fully healed from that he's decided that going back for the treatments is just "too much work", even though I'm the one who manages all the logistics. Whatever. It kind of irks me because of all the work that we put into getting him these treatments and the fact that we are back to meds that don't work. It's going to cause problems in the future, but I don't know how yet, and I don't know what's going to happen when it does.
That brings us to The Boy. He's going to be 16 this month. I'm not ready to have a 16 year old child. If he ever gets a girlfriend he's now old enough to date. The last month of school is always a problem. It's been a big one this year. He's really not wanted to go to school at all. At this point he's going to fail about 1/2 of his classes. I don't know if he will have enough credits to become a sophomore at the end of the week. This is finals week. He blew 2 off yesterday. It was a nightmare morning trying to get him to school. Instead of going to school he spent 2 hours just wandering around. He didn't go to school. The bitch of it is that he might be fail one of the classes he was passing because he blew off the final yesterday.
It's very frustrating. His anger is nasty. We are kind of looking into maybe putting him into a residential treatment center. We looked at boot camp kind of things, but they don't accept kids with major mental illnesses. The Boy has Bipolar. Major mental illness. it's not a choice I want to make. DH is kind of ineffective, so it's up to me and I am kind of sick of being the adult in the matter.
We are minus one cat. Our big guy died a few weeks back. He had a seizure and died. It was quick and he wasn't in pain. It was under 5 minutes from the time he seized to the time he died. That's the way I want to go. Once second I'm here, the next I'm gone.
That's my life. That's the way it's been lately. I spend more of my time exhausted. Trying to take care of everyone is exhausting. DH is going on a 2 week vacation at the end of the summer. I won't be, but only worrying about The Boy will make my life that much easier.
I have to get back to my real life for a while. I need to help The Boy finish some homework from this school year. It needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon, so we have to hurry and finish it.
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